I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
