It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
