Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
