I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
