Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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