Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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