At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
