i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
