you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
