Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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