There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
