I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
