Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
