my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
