Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
What a dumb baby whore.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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