I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is it penis luge time yet?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
