the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
