so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
