i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
this just has baby written all over it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
