I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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