He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
