Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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