i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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