Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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