Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
