friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
