the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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