all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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