Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
