Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
