It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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