i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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