thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
