I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
