last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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