Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
