I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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