I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
