An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Reggie can tackle my bush.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
