Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
