Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
