he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
