Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
