Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
