His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
