Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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