the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
