I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
