from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
