She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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