The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
BRING THE BAGELS
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
