I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
then he tried to convert me to islam
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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