At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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