Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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