He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
