I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
